Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You may now shotgun with the bride
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
