i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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