first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
