There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
