Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
