Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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