will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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