It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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