She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
