Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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