I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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