I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
