Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
