my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
