to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
