Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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