my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
wow bdsm is so cute
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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