I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
