he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
