my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
