Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
