I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This is not my ceiling
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
be right there i have to get my cape
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
