Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
