Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
