Barsexuality is the new black.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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