Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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