On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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