Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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