I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
