Where is the hickey?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
