You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
