you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
