and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
