is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
