Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
