Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
