you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
