I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Someone came in the potted fern
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
