he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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