And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
