I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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