getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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