he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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