Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
