Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
