u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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