At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
