remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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