There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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