Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think I won the penis lottery.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
