thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
