how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
