He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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